Happy Halloween !

What a month and a half that was.

In mid-August I decided that I needed to go back on Prozac. About 4 years ago I read somewhere on line of a study that showed that Prozac helped diabetics control their blood sugar. So I took that study in to my doctor and he said whatever you think might help, let's do it.

3 months later he asked if I had noticed a difference, to which I replied, I didn't but everyone around me had! I continued on this tll last summer.

Last July I had to make that age old decision - for Americans that is, not other industrialized nations, food or drugs and so I went off of the Prozac. I had heard stories of how terrible it was to go off of the drug, but I didn't suffer to any degree--or so I thought.

What an IDIOT ! Looking back over the last 12 months I realized how much I really needed to have been on the Vitamin P; what a mental and emotional wreck I was - and not really realizing why.

Fast forward - this August for some reason things just absolutely ground to a halt in my emotional state; and I thought, hmm, maybe I should try the P again. Called the doctor, he re-issued the scrip and I started taking it again.

Slight problem, they started me on a higher dosage than before (when I quit taking I was on 60 mg/day - when I had started at 20 mg/day) - splitting the difference at 40 mg/day.

Oh My God, Becky, can I tell you the side affects were horrific.

Thank god I was cognizant of this, otherwise as I joke, I would have committed suicide but for the fact that I didn't have clean underwear and I hadn't cleaned my apartment. Getting thru those first 4-6 weeks was grueling. It's just been in the last 2 weeks that the daily tremors have stopped.

But, let me tell you, it's been the best thing in the world. I am not going to go off of this again. My life seems to be my own again, I feel so much more in control and I completely am able to recognize that life is full of options - you just have to know to look. So -- FUCK YOU TOM CRUISE.

Then October 1st, my boss tells me he can't afford to keep me employed anymore; while this didn't come as a surprise as I had seen the writing on the walls in mid-August, he still wanted to see if I could work on an 100% commission basis. Knowing that I had a couple of big projects in the bidding process I thought I'd give it a try (there's a whole lot more background on this guy's inability to manage his company and his finances, but that's all over now).

Today I told him that I can't work this way. And it's a relief actually.

My notary business is picking up again and I've been able to get some more gigs as a production assistant for both live events and photo shoots. In addition there's an adult publishing company that is interested in my talents. So, while sometimes stressed, all in all better.

I have been able to catch up on some reading and have noted the books completed down below - will do reviews later.

Am spending the evening with about 30 5-7 year olds and their parents in Hancock Park.

I NEED A BOYFRIEND !:)